Tonight I am taking some time to ramble on my blog. Not do the dishes, not do the laundry, not clean my house. Nope. Just blog.
Things are going well, I suppose. Warren got a new video game, which makes me want jump off a cliff- but nights like tonight are okay. Except for the fact that I have been exiled to the bedroom! I hate video games.
Work is going well. I'm exhausted all the time. I go to bed at 9pm, wake up at 5:20am, and I'm still tired all the time. Whoever said that 40 hours a week is the norm... obviously didn't have a life. I have ZERO time for anything anymore. Weekends are used primarily to catching up on sleep and watching my TV shows. Today was kind of a rough day. Everyone must have been taking witchy pills- if I had a dollar for all the times someone snapped at me, I'd have... maybe $50. Going from not working at all, to working full time with no time off- it's hard. I asked for a day off in a couple weeks just to have the day off. I didn't get time off for Christmas- which kind of puts a damper in our plans. More on that later.
Everything else in life is moving along like normal. Leo is now 6 months old, and losing his teeth. His newest thing is waking up at 4:30am, pawing at my face to let me know he's hungry. I can't be mad at him cuz as soon as I open my eyes he gives the cutest little 'meow'. Reminds me of a baby. We taught him how to play fetch... it's the coolest thing. I love him. I come home from work and he's so excited to see me. I pick him up and cuddle him for, well- for as long as I can before he demands I put him down. I read this article a few weeks ago about how pet owners tend to be less stressed, and actually end up living longer. They did some tests on people, and after 30 minutes of being around a pet (cat, dog, or fish) decreases stress levels by 80%. Which then leads to people being happier, and living happier lives, and living longer. Interesting, huh?
Lots has been happening as far my family drama goes. Let me just take a minute to fill you in. My dad hit rock bottom after my mom passed away. His drinking and anxiety just didn't mix well together. He had lost about 70 lbs and for an already thin guy, he was at a dangerous weight. I called my grandma one night, and she had informed me that my step mom had
beat him up, and because of his fragile state the police were called- she was in jail, while my dad was badly bruised and in poor shape. My uncles had tried to intervene to get him some help with his alcoholism but he refused. They finally got him to the hospital, and once the doctors finally got him to calm down he started up again and ripped out all the IV's. This went on for a few weeks, before he collapsed one day, and decided to check himself into a
rehab center. They treated him for his alcoholism, malnutrition... and prostate cancer.
Cancer, again. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Luckily, and I mean luckily, the test came back negative. Could you imagine? I would be dead by now.
So far, I think he's doing well. Since I don't have long distance calling anymore, I don't get the opportunity to talk to anyone very often.
My mother in law had made plans for all of her kids to come this year for Christmas. It was something we had been planning for over a year now. But once my mom's cancer became terminal in January, the chance of Kelsey and Warren being there this year was put on hold. As it's nearing closer and closer to the holidays... my ability to handle my emotions is getting exponentially harder each day. I cry at least once a day, sometimes more. Thanksgiving and Christmas were my moms favorite holidays, and she always went above and beyond for our family. She always had plans, and made the holidays really special. It holds a very special place in my heart, and this- being the first holiday season since her death which wasn't that long ago... Long story short, I really don't want to go anywhere for Christmas. I want to stay in my own home. Do my own thing. I want to sit in my room and cry nonstop as often as I have to without anyone looking at me weird.
Am I crazy? Is it wrong that I don't want to be around someone else's happy family who have no idea what I'm going through?
Earlier this summer, my mother in law sold her house, and due to some bad home evaluations they haven't bought a new one yet. So they decided to do Christmas in Salt Lake, instead of Denver. Salt lake is pretty close to Boise. If my family were to find out that I went to Salt Lake during Christmas, but didn't go a few more hours to Boise- they would be devastated.
So, that's where I'm at right now. I'm a freaking rollercoaster. Warren and I are constantly arguing about the holidays. I sort of feel like he's choosing his mom over me. I get that he doesn't want to let her down, but I guarantee you that if our positions were reversed, we'd be doing whatever he wanted, no matter what.
I didn't get the days off that I needed for our travels. We would be there for 3 whole days. It doesn't seem worth it to me. Especially since all the time off I did get, will be jam packed with either driving or doing family stuff constantly, not getting anytime to myself to enjoy not being at work.
BLAHHH! Thanks for listening to me vent all over the place... if you have any words of encouragement, advise or anything of the like... feel free to comment on my poor pathetic life. :)
