First of all, sorry for all the
boring posts lately. A lack of sunshine means less pictures, and less pictures means boring posts. But please read this, because I could sure use some comments... and maybe some ice cream.
My new calling is going horrifically, thanks for asking. My first Sunday conducting I did okay, surprisingly. The organist missed a couple pick up notes, but other than that, it went well. We had a different organist last Sunday, and I was told that he would be an easier one to play with because he was more willing to actually follow my lead instead of taking his own tempo. I think a combination of me being nervous to give a talk on something that I really had no knowledge about and the fact that I had to stand up on that stupid stand practically the entire meeting, caused me to have a bit of a brain fart. The first song went alright, only this time,
I missed the pick up note at the beginning, however I didn't notice it I guess because when I realized that there
was a pick up note at the beginning, I wasn't off beat, if that makes sense to anyone.
Oh but the end of the song it was bad- because I thought there were only 3 verses to the song... no there were 4.
IDIOT! So everyone kind of laughed at me because they all saw the light bulb go off in my brain from the expression on my face. I beamed a color of red only Satan himself could relate to, both of embarrassment and anger that I had messed up.
My talk went
okay, they wanted me to take up approximately 10-12 minutes, so that's what I wrote my talk to be... I think it came out to be about 9... oh but it would have been 9 minutes long,
had I not lost my spot and ended up skipping half of it. My mind went blank. I was so upset because this never happens to me. I've been performing since I was 10... I am used to being in the spotlight, I've never struggled with being in front of a crowd. After my talk, there was an intermediate hymn... which wouldn't ya know... I had to conduct. Well the guy conducting the meeting took forever to stand up to introduce it, so I stood there waiting because the organist was ready to play... so I sat back down with this huge confused look on my face... he finally gets up and yammers on a bit, obviously to take up time because of my sad pathetic excuse of a talk ended too shortly. I get
back up to the music stand, and conduct the song... but the organist kept missing my intro beats at the beginning of each verse, but it wasn't his fault, he couldn't see my hands. I had to keep up with him instead of the other way around, I just couldn't get it together. I tried my hardest to at least keep track of the down beats so I wouldn't get too far off, but it was a lost cause.
The same thing happened during the last song. That
poor organist. I felt so ashamed because I had even practiced the night before, and they were easy songs! I'm sure the poor missionaries who were seated next me to enjoyed the view of my
skirt flipping up each time I got up. Seriously who thought those chairs were a good idea?
To make matters worse, by the end of the meeting I was on the verge of tears, I was so embarrassed. As I was walking off the stand to go to class, this guy comes up to me and says
"you're not exactly the most seasoned conductor out there, are you?"... No sir, I'm not, but thanks for the encouraging words. If you are asking yourself, would someone
really say something like that to my face at
CHURCH, my answer is
yes. He really did. I felt horrible. I couldn't go home because Warren had to teach in Primary, I thought about just going and sitting in the car, but forgot to get the keys before Warren ran off... so I decided just to wait in a corner until everyone cleared out and find a chair and study. The only quite place I could find was nearby the bishops office- what the hay, he'll probably be too busy to notice me. I sat down and something said to read my scriptures to look like I was busy so no one asked why I wasn't in class. I opened up the Book of Mormon and flipped to the Doctrine and Covenants... and of course, the first verse I read goes a little something like this:
"For, behold, you should not have feared man more than God. Although men set at naught the counsels of God, and despise his words-- Yet you should have been faithful; and he would have extended his arm and supported you against all the fiery darts of the adversary; and he would have been with you in every time of trouble." Bam. Sad thing is, I knew this the whole time. It's not like Karen Baker didn't sit me down and explain to me that it doesn't matter how you conduct so long as you are in tune with the Spirit. I guess I learned my lesson, but it still didn't feel that great when countless amounts of people walked up to me and told me how much they enjoyed my talk, yet offered some "tips" for the music. I tried not to give up hope, I kindly thanked everyone and wrote down their unheeded advices, but gee has my self esteem evaporated into thin air. So this Sunday, I will much more prepared, I will study like nobody's business and practice so much my biceps will be the size of softballs.
